Over protecting and over caring
I little bit of checking in on our loved one and a little bit of nice surprise is thoughtful. But what happens when we check up so often or so randomly that is creates concern?
Over checking is a sign of insecurity in the relationship and also a sign of power and control. Not having freedoms to attend work in peace, see friends and family or go to the shops without being checked up on, or watched, or text, is a problem.
Often people will report this as a romantic gesture at the start of relationships, which it often can be, but in a healthy relationship, this well ease off after a while as the relationship patterns take form and trust with each other in between encounters grows.
If you are in a relationship where over caring is happening, you may not feel cared for at all. You may feel intruded upon and may feel like you can do nothing independently from your loved one as independence for the over carer and over checker causes them to feel insecure. When that insecurity is presented as your fault, you are in an abusive relationship.
All people will occasionally feel insecure in relationship but those in healthy relationships tolerate the feelings and can discuss them calmly and feel better.